Thursday, June 24, 2010

Light bulb moment, are you there?

different light bulbs for different moments

There's a special place in art dept hell for me and what I've done!!

I've been feeling very disappointed with my work lately. I'm working on a project at the moment and the design isn't coming out as I'd imagined it to be (Oh, how many times has that happened to me!!) -- and I'm so deep into it already that I can't salvage the idea nor "make it work" as I would usually do.

I'll admit it -- It's my fault: I was lazy. For one of the first times ever, I chose the easy way to execute a design -- the easy and inappropriate way. Still now when I work on it, I think of all the ways I could have done this better, and can't quite put my finger on how to save this idea and in turn, save myself and my own sanity. I don't know how to make this something to be proud of, which is exactly what I'm not. In fact, one could even go on to say that I'm ashamed of what I've done, and how poorly I've executed this! :-(

In my experience, there are always at least two ways to execute an idea: the first would be to subject myself to unending work in the period of producing the materials for I need everything to be perfect, and the second would be to relax and maintain a balance of work and leisure in my life and at the same time, compromise the final product to a more manageable workload. Sometimes, the latter has actually worked. Sometimes, some work is really not work stressing over! But oh, never again am I taking that risk. I think I'll just choose a stressful and fulfilling life over these next two months of being haunted by and being depressed over this epic failure of a project!!

So there it is. I said it out loud. This is definitely not the first time I've felt like I don't know what I'm doing. In fact, my two-years in this job have been sprinkled here and there with many disappointing times. What do you do when you have a bad day?? Not just at work, but in life, in general?? :-( I used to enumerate all the small, happy moments that are able to somewhat lift my spirits. Right now though, I can only think of one: the great 3 1/2 hour nap I took this afternoon.

Later tonight, I will perhaps be halfway done with this fiasco, with a week or so more to go... How do I save it?? I don't know. Light bulb moment, are you there?

I'd like to curl up in a ball, hide from the world and arise when it's over and done with please!!

1 comment:

Christina said...

from my experience with you-- you've NEVER been lazy! what's this!?!? hahaha.

it's ok Vicky, we all have those moments. hwag lang uulitin :)